20100303

Reading, writing and thinking.

All the bad things now, will be good in the future.

If there's any disaster, come asap.
I am not afraid of you. ;)

I remember one sentence in Gladiator. Someone asked Russell Crowe what would you do facing the death. He answered, smile back.

I'm not afraid of anything, because I am still able to fight after falling on the ground.

Let's have more fun.

wedding

He said, I miss you so much that's why I ate so much Chinese food.
I said, I miss you so much that's why I ate so much Greek feta cheese.

:D

I always wished to have half of his energy and optimism.

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I finally told her that I couldn't attend.
They are gonna have 50 tables at least from her parents' side, not including her husband's side, which I guess in all there will be 80 or 100 tables? Or more?

I wonder how much they are going to spend for the whole weddings.
Imagine 10 people per table, it will be 1000 people involved at least. let's say 150 euros (average) per table, 15,000 euros for the food only (minimum).

Plus the wedding dress, cars, place renting, ceremony and everything...Chinese people are crazy while doing weddings, arent we?
No wonder everyone is under this pressure these days which can be shown everywhere in the newspaper, TV, magazine or Internet.

I was again slightly shocked.

But money, can be used in a better way.
I dare not to say this to her. After all, it is her life.

My life, is anyways different.

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We get what we want,right?
What will I get in the end?

Standing in the snow, alone? ;)

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In the end we had a long conversation.
She said that I have been too tough that no one can actually come inside of me.
I said, no, it is not true.

I told her that maybe I wasn't good enough.
She said, no, you are very good already. I told everyone around me that I was so proud of you.

I suddenly remembered, J used to always say, I'm so proud of you. I talked to him a little the other night. He is now very professional and more convincing.
But I found myself tired of arguing about anything, like we always used to do and had a great fun.
He said, I had the impression that you have been unhappy.
I said, no it is not true. I am happier.

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I am the source of my everything.
Is that again a too independent thought?

There's nothing wrong with being independent.
It's just.. tougher.
And we just choose different approaches.

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I suddenly remembered one word I saw 7 years ago when I was in a temple.
"Shu Tu Tong Gui（殊途同归）" which means we human beings reach the same end using different approaches.

If we can not have fun on the way going there, then what's the point?

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Let's have fun.

0224

To start my day with a big piece of chocolate cake and black coffee in the morning sunlight.
-20 outside, as usual.

I'm still hesitating how to tell her that I am not available for her wedding.

cooking again

I was planning to invite friends over for dinner. But they had something else to do.
So I made a porridge for myself.

Recently I am addicted with seafood.
This time, is the seafood theme.
I checked some recipes from the internet because seafood porridge is quite famous in my home region.

Material: ginger,celery,mushroom,fish,shrimp,mussel,rice.




It's quite easy and not too fatty.

And another good things is, I don't have to cook tomorrow, for a whole day.

Nirvana

I remembered the other day when we were playing a card game. We were acting a phrase "pull yourself together". We guessed for a long time, and the actor tried her best. We couldn't figure out the meaning.
And I have heard this phrase again in another movie recently.
This phrase appeared again and again in my head.

Finally this morning when I woke up and looked at the ceiling. The sentence came to me again.

There is not much time. Pull yourself together.

I wanted to laugh, laugh in the endless whiteness.

Time for a change.
Re-organizing myself is very fun.

I tend to love my destructive side. It helps for making a change.

I am a therapist for myself. Reading and writing to myself did a great help.
I can see the slightest light from the end of the tunnel.



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ps. They had a long-time still full frontal scene of Crixus in Spartacus:Blood and Sand EP05 !!! American TV series are doing better and better! I was so shocked!

A sunny day

Life is full of romance.

I just found it on my window by accident when the sunshine went through the heart. I noticed its existence.

I dont know who left that. I dont know what does the letter "T" mean by its side.
She must have been happy when she was using her finger writing it thinking of someone.

Or is it a he?When he wakes up in her room, left a msg like that wishing her to notice by accident?

I love this sunny day today.
I'm off for a walk now, though it is -24 outside.

20100219

I dont understand why sometimes it takes me so much effort forming a cover page. As if I have troubles believing in myself.
Actually what I need to do is just to convince myself. I am the best. And you will regret if you do not have me.

The sky is forever grey.
I wonder what kind of path god will lead me to.

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.