A sunny day

Life is full of romance.

I just found it on my window by accident when the sunshine went through the heart. I noticed its existence.

I dont know who left that. I dont know what does the letter "T" mean by its side.
She must have been happy when she was using her finger writing it thinking of someone.

Or is it a he?When he wakes up in her room, left a msg like that wishing her to notice by accident?

I love this sunny day today.
I'm off for a walk now, though it is -24 outside.

091226

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

the distance between imagination and reality

I was reading the articles from my old blogs this morning. There was this piece very interesting.

I'll translate it into English.

"Always wanted to write something about Vienna.
It is like the soul of the whole Europe.
Or maybe it is just the soul of the Europe in my imagination.

Met one of the rare sunny days.
The thick taste of the sweetness of the famous coffee and the cake.
The beauty left in between my teeth and my tongue kept my heart in Vienna.

It only takes 4 hours by train to go to Praha from Wien. The remains of the downfallen eastern Europe made me sad.
There's no need for the landmark to indicate that it was not in Austria anymore.

Maybe it was because of the impressions I got from the movies of Princess Sissi (1955) I watched in Senior high, Romy Schneider's beautiful face left me great romantic imaginations of Austria and her love life.
Until the moment when I was in schönbrunn and listened to one piece of descriptions of the dairy from Sissi herself about her marriage with King Franz.
"What did a 15-year old child know, only took such a vow, then was sold for a whole life."
But when Franz heard of the news that Sissi was assassinated, he was silent. Then he told his close officer who worked for him, "You really don't know how much I love this woman."

So to say, it is very different from the imagination to the reality of life."

This piece was written when I finished my trip in Germany, Austria and Czech alone last year.
Now I am still touched.
The imagination and the reality is so different that it is always hard to keep the balance and handle the moment when the truth is revealed.
Beautiful Princess Sissi (from the internet)

Yellow

At that moment, when I looked at it with the pure blue sky as the background.
I was happy.

flower

(The image is the ginger orchid.- from the Internet)

Like Norbert Kraft's guitar, especially this piece of music: "Francisco Tarrega - Recuerdos de la Alhambra".


Those daisies in my vase are slowly fading away.

When I was a little younger, I would like to see only fresh flowers, all sorts of flowers,especially rambling roses and ginger orchid. White and fragrant flowers are always my favorite.

I hate those moments when rose petals shrink and turn sallow.

However, everything doesn't necessarily go the way I expected.

Now I am trying to learn, how to enjoy the moment when some beautiful things fade away.

Some pieces of memories

Suddenly thought of those days in Firenze. G was ironing the curtains and sheets for me in his big kitchen.

He lives in the center of the old town, 10 minutes' walking distance to the famous Domo.
His second floor was a whole big space, with the big French windows connecting the archaic balcony.

The sun set slowly. He put one of the discs with the soft music. The golden sunshine shined in his living room as if the sea blue fridge and the dark blue sofa was plated by the extremely fine gold powder.
His hair and his back, reflected the light. And his glasses.

The crude slate floor was quite glazed. Stepping on it with the bare feet, my toes felt a little chilled, like a cool breeze or a slightly cold water. But it was very clean that you can hardly find any dust on it.
It was not easy for a bachelor to make his apartment so neat.

He ironed the white cloths. The space was slowly suffused by the humid warm air.
I stood in his orange-floor balcony casually, watching bustling tourists downstairs flowed to the Domo not far away. That beautiful church, white, blue, red and green.


The sun shined half of the balcony. I looked at him through the window.
I felt warm in my heart, as if I was taken good care of.

Before the sun disappeared, the sky was painted by the transparent pink pansy brushes.

I think if I want a man some day, he has to enjoy the moment full of peace and silence with me, and take care of me, and make my lonely heart like a piece of ironed cloth, warm and neat.

I miss his balcony, and the feeling that I had there.

Autumn/Z

I am exhausted.

A lot have happened recently. Something that I can say, something that I need to bury it in my mind.

Looking at the leaves outside of the window in the wind, I thought, ah, autumn is here.
The colors of red and yellow are like diseases, infecting the whole nature, eating the green away.

It has been raining the last few days. Cold rain.

I started to dream about my old friends again which I thought I have had put behind.
Something continues haunting me constantly.

My self-destructive side has been playing the major role in my life.
I need warm hugs, I need a kiss.

I miss a lot of people.

I am exhausted.

=)

He looked among huge piles of books and papers.

He held two books in his hand, hesitated and asked.

"Do you read German?"
"Nein, Ich spreche nicht Deutsch."

"Do you read Finnish?"
"Ei, ma en puhu suomea."

=)

ps.
1.He had two books about multimodalities in German and Finnish wanting to lend me.
2.He is a nice man.

Disappear

I am tired.

I will hide somewhere. And I don't want to see anyone.

D-i-s-a-p-p-e-a-r--

I am a roller-coaster girl.

090712

I am sitting in the couch in the living room alone.

I am looking at the sky getting darker and darker bit by bit.

I am having my heavy reading materials on my hands.

I am having an unknown future waiting ahead.

I have a lot of chances. I do not have so many choices.

I listened to some pieces of music coming from my laptop from my room.

I miss you.

I feel lonely.

Where are you? What are you doing?
Are you smiling without any shadow in your heart?


I have kept thinking one sentence from one of my favorite female writers Zhang AiLing.

She says.
Life is just like a gorgeous gown, with lots of lice crawling on.

Indeed, isn't it?

We are all lonely.



Hope tomorrow can be a sunny day.

Butterfly effect

Just had a fabulous week with my sweet E and R and other friends.

Woke up this morning, I opened explorer to check FB's news feed and all the pictures friends put there. I started to wonder, has everything really happened?

I was haunted by the dutch employment regulation for a whole day yesterday which gave me a huge trouble falling asleep.
There's no fairness in this world. Although I have known this for long, when it attacked me, I am still shocked. It feels like someone poured a bucket full of icy water on top of me.
So bloody cruel, but real.

I feel scared when I think of the butterfly effect theory. You never know whose mood, feeling or decision today will influence your whole life. And you never know your feeling, behaviour or decision will affect whom.
Life is all about decision makings and we had to make choices all the time.

Someone chose to be the one who picks the others, someone chose to be the one who was picked by the others or fate. Someone wanted to pick up their own destiny, but somehow couldn't.
And no one can avoid to be picked at least once in their life.

Priorities and decision-makings, constitute the invisible net in the air among human communications and interactions.

I don't want to be chosen. I want to choose.
But then how?

The end of a legend.

I thought it was a joke.

I waited for several days to re-check the news.
Finally I am able to acknowledge the fact that he is gone.

But, it is a joke, isnt it?

Beauty and fame are vain.

Losing you, what's the meaning of getting the world?

random thoughts

I listened to the happiest music I have in my disc.

I said to myself,
if this door is shut, why not expect the other window will eventually open?

At least I hope so.
Or, is it only a legend?

Night in CPH

When my life becomes a mess and I feel everything can not be figured out in a short time period, after torturing myself for a long time, in the end I would usually curse" f**k you all" .Then I will stop panicking to get at least one thing done which can be under my control. And move on to the next.

Usually I hesitate, because I care too much about the result.

If I don't put so much effort, I wouldn't get hurt that easily. Meanwhile, the joy will be reduced correspondingly.
Fun or torture, depends on the person. Besides, challenge and torture can be so stimulative to become addictive.

I remember that there is one Zen story.
That is a conversation between two monks while they are watching one flag swaying in the wind.
Monk 1- Look, the flag is swaying because of the strong wind.
Monk 2- No, the flag is swaying because that your mind/heart is changing.


When something or someone is bothering me and makes me hard to sleep during night, I will abandon everything to take a trip to somewhere I dreamt for a long time. It is not called escaping or running away, it can be a good distraction. In a new place, a new environment meeting new people, it can give me a new angel to re-consider the whole issue and see my world from another point of view.

It was a rainy night in Copenhagen.
A big room. White sheets and blanket.

I heard everyone coming and going out and the door kept slamming.
In such an old building, I hear everything.

I put some music on.
I listen to some music, because they remind me some places or someone.
I miss them. I get relaxed when I am alone, missing someone.

Bye.

I have learnt so many languages to say goodbyes.

However.
It is still the hardest.

Now or Never

I heard a young man playing bass while waiting for the late night metro.

Melodious song with devious tones produced a bizarre echo in the narrow waiting hall while the wind blew away some of the sound. I watched the sorrow from the song going with the wind hitting the wall, knocking everyone.
Passengers got on and off, walked by, walked to their destinations.
The song kept playing. He looked at his bass.
I looked at him,carefully listened to those pieces of music.

I suddenly remembered the grey cat I saw this evening.

We looked at each other.
I don't know why we looked at each other.
I don't know why we met each other.
We looked at each other.

I tried to read his mind, but it was too fast.

Soon, he turned his head away.
Still, I looked at him.

If one starts to think all the meanings behind of one gesture, one unfinished sentence, one glimpse, one gaze, one gentle sigh, it would be harder for him to smile.
That is the reason why we keep ourselves running all the time to avoid facing the sadness of the reality.
Who is brave enough to stand still, look at the sorrow itself and solve it?

I am looking at it, trying to smile back.
Are you brave enough to stand by me?

For a lot of things, it is now or never.

A warm afternoon

That was one beautiful sunny afternoon.

We went to the old town and tried to find a good cafe to enjoy the sunshine.

There she is.
You'll never know what kind of beauty you would see around the next corner.
Then we met her.

An old pink bike with remnants of the broken seat leaning to the archaic brown wooden wall. The dirty yellow sponge jumped out from the lacerated black leather surface. The fresh pink flower in the front cany basket trembling in the tender early summer breeze.

The warm sun shined from the other end of the small lane. Perfect light and shadow on the crude yellow wall and rocky ground.


I looked at her.
She was there.
Although aged. Quiet. And elegant.

Green plants. Red, green, red towels. Stone yellow wall. Wooden table. Two small white bowls probably for cat food. Light and shadow.


It is always good to sit down with a close friend to talk everything in your life.
When this friend is extremely open-minded, warm and respectful with the similar interests and ideology, the conversation can be more than a pleasant enjoyment.
Relationships, attitude towards marriage,kids, families and everything we have been through in this half a year composed this 2-hour long coffee time.

We sat until we felt a little chill. Then we went lost somewhere near St.Eriksplan because we were so confident that we were the same as locals. We walked to a random park and sat down to watch strong young men running in the field playing football with their blond long hair free flowing in the wind reflecting the golden sunshine.

Who cares what we wanted from the beginning of the tour?
If you can get infinitely close to what you want from the beginning, it is a big success.
But if not, it is also good that you get to see different things along the way which you didn't expect.

Close your eyes, breathe.
Did you smell the early summer? :)