When my life becomes a mess and I feel everything can not be figured out in a short time period, after torturing myself for a long time, in the end I would usually curse" f**k you all" .Then I will stop panicking to get at least one thing done which can be under my control. And move on to the next.
Usually I hesitate, because I care too much about the result.
If I don't put so much effort, I wouldn't get hurt that easily. Meanwhile, the joy will be reduced correspondingly.
Fun or torture, depends on the person. Besides, challenge and torture can be so stimulative to become addictive.
I remember that there is one Zen story.
That is a conversation between two monks while they are watching one flag swaying in the wind.
Monk 1- Look, the flag is swaying because of the strong wind.
Monk 2- No, the flag is swaying because that your mind/heart is changing.
When something or someone is bothering me and makes me hard to sleep during night, I will abandon everything to take a trip to somewhere I dreamt for a long time. It is not called escaping or running away, it can be a good distraction. In a new place, a new environment meeting new people, it can give me a new angel to re-consider the whole issue and see my world from another point of view.
It was a rainy night in Copenhagen.
A big room. White sheets and blanket.
I heard everyone coming and going out and the door kept slamming.
In such an old building, I hear everything.
I put some music on.
I listen to some music, because they remind me some places or someone.
I miss them. I get relaxed when I am alone, missing someone.
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