Babies

I used to discuss with R that because of the one-child policy in China that I only learnt how to love a man and take care of him persistently from the pattern of how my parents get along with each other, I did not know how to deal with kids.

Since my parents didn't like any other child, they don't act like the other parents for example when they see little infant, they would scream loud "cute!!" and start baby-talk with them, touch and hold them immediately in their arms. Instead, my parents just politely say to the other parents " This kid is cute" and then walked away.
Besides, my cousins are all at my age, either younger or elder for a few years. Maybe I learnt how to share things and cooperate with them, never how to deal with them.

I went to a meeting last night and met many great people there. Most of them are married couples that they do believe that people should love the others without expecting anything as paybacks or to love with any preconditions. And their infants have been growing up in the church that they were not afraid of being touched and cuddled.
I was staring at them crawling on the ground at the beginning with fear. Because I was afraid that they would suddenly scream or do something crazy to people. I dare not to touch them and I was even scared to talk to the pregnant women since I always judge them that they are too different and too self-sacrificed for men.
They are vivid lives, different individuals with different bodies and ideologies since the moment they left mom's womb. Thinking of all the responsibilities and obligations I shall take if I have a child, the idea itself is heavy and scary enough for me to chicken out and walk away without a hesitation.

There he is, a handsome young man, laying in front of his mom's chest and observed everyone of us with his big blue innocent eyes with huge curiosity. I asked his mom, " May I? I am afraid that I will break his arm or legs..." She laughed and said " Don't worry, kids are strong." She petted him on his back. I surprisingly found that the kid's back didn't go sunken with his mom's hand as I expected. My curiosity drove me lifted him up via holding up his armpit with his little soft fatty arms splaying in the air.
Hmmm, very soft. This is my first thought. Well,also quite heavy. There comes my second thought.

He was very excited to be held up standing on the ground. But, he did something out of my expectation that he grabbed my hair all of a sudden. His hand is so strong and powerful not like a 6-month kid and he started to put my hair into his mouth.
Finally his mom came to save me and she educated him to stop eating my hair. I secretly thought, when he grows up, he might marry an Asian girl just like me. Haha.
With the first try, his brave act made me thought that he was not that different from all the other grown-up men around me. When his mom needs to take a phone call, I held him in my arms walking to the kitchen. I was surprised that I naturally know how to put my arms to make him comfortable. I admit that I was still a little scared of him screaming because of my mis-putting of my arms around him. Amazingly, he was happy and he was trying to touch the other's camera. He laid in front of my chest that I felt I was trusted by him.
I was excited about this whole brand new feeling that people can trust each other that much.
And kids are not like monsters as they used to be in my imagination.

The warmth and the softness touched one part of my heart that I couldn't stop thinking of his fat arms around me.

Okay. I still don't think it is a good idea to get pregnant and have a baby by myself. But, it is not a bad idea to have one maybe in the future if I have enough money.

This idea, is brand new for me.
Thank you James. You are a very charming baby and you will grow up as a charming man in the future.