Some thoughts of mine

Sometimes I think my life is mostly a joke, although I knew it wasn't true.
I knew there's different cases and different people who can handle different levels of pain and stress.

Some would laugh at all the troubles and walk over it like there's nothing wrong at all. They simply just do not care about those little things, because they have bigger pictures in their lives and they have something else more beautiful to fight for which make them look over the small troubles in front. I call them, real heroes.

Some, they are just not aware of the fact that someone is actually focusing on seeking themselves all the time. They live simply and happily, they do not think much and they are happy because of being innocent and not realising that life can be complicated if they want. For those, I envy them.

Some would pretend that there's nothing wrong in their lives and try to laugh as loud as possible to fool the others and themselves. And they are usually so good at pretending that they couldn't distinguish the difference between the real face and the fake one. They literally wear the mask and take the fake one as the real one for good, and never doubt it.
Because once they start to doubt, their philosophies and their lives are going to fall apart. And that, that is the fact that they can not handle. For these, I would say " we cope in different ways" to comfort them.
Anyways, it is their lives. If they do not want to change, no one can help.

Some, for example like me, would be occasionally defeated by small things happening in life because I am too sensitive and over think of things which should not be considered as a major issue. But, I have a bigger picture. I am brave enough to face up the real me, no matter how ugly she is and no matter how unbearable she is. I always take the truth. I always take the reality.

My father once told me, people usually don't take the reality because it is sometimes too ugly that it breaks the so-called beauty in their eyes. They would rather neglect the flaws and imperfections.
White lies work on them perfectly. They dare not to tell the others the reality, they dare not to turn people down because they assume people can not take it just like themselves.
They choose to let it go in silence.
Gradually, something disappear in silence. They lose something that they will never get it back ever. They are too afraid to admit because the fact itself will be too much for them to handle.

So, they are mute.

I am one of those, who do not take silence as an answer. I need people to spit it out, no matter good or bad, I face it and I fix it.

All in all, I think I am a fighter. I am dark and twisted inside, but I have a bigger picture.
I believe in hopes, and I do believe in miracles.



I remember the reason why I started to write this blog.
I do a lot of things people would think it is unnecessary and meaningless.

In my eyes, they are meaningful. It helps me to face up with myself, it helps to clarify my thoughts and my mind. It helps me to become a better me. More humane, more thoughtful, warmer and more sensitive.
Although I am always in a secret battle with myself all the time, I am not going to surrender.

Don quichot would say, pick the right enemy and the right battle.
My battle is fixed. My enemy is fixed.

And I am invincible.
It is so good to know.

We are all somehow somewhat damaged, by the others, by the things happened on us or something happened on the ones that we love or loved.
The world is frightening. We hurt people and get hurt all the time.

Remember, failing does not take away the reality that someone among us are lions.
Scars only proves that they have been through a lot of glorious battles.