Noisy world

I think I have talked too much.

When I am stressful, I tend to do abnormal things.

I need to sink under the water and think about what I want from life.

Leave me alone.

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Sunny Sunday afternoon beer at Carlsberg brewery made me have a big headache right now.

Life is all about experience.

We had a very impressive and pleasant conversation, in that small room, while the wind was blowing the tree outside of the window like hell.

J told me. Life is all about experience.

Why should we set the boundaries all the time and limit our infinite possibilities?
If we always think, "oh this won't fit"," oh that won't work", how can we actually make everything work?

Human beings tend to surprise themselves all the time. And our potential of producing infinite possibilities is amazingly great. The persistence and determination of execution can give us a big joy and tons of happiness.

He is the first male Gemini I have ever met. Very wise and open-minded.

The great thing is, we are both that kind of person who would feel extremely happy and satisfied with experiencing a big challenge to ourselves and we tend to gain a huge amount of entertainment from it no matter how good or bad the result is.
Challenging itself is brave enough and has been a big step in our life already.

I enjoy surprising myself very very much.

Like he always said, " I don't want to lay on my grave yard and regret 'ooh I should have done this and that', that's pathetic."

I want to write down the inspiration I had from this conversation.

I always thought life was too short since my grandpa died last year.
I kept thinking about alternative-reality and different decision makings.

How many really great people whom can actually touch your heart and make it beat like a drum you can meet in your whole life?
"You are very lucky if you get one." J said, he looked at me straightly into my eyes.

Maybe, the theory of "the one" actually doesn't exist.
Often, the difference is always about how much effort you want to put or how much you want to devote yourself into it to make him/her to become " the one". Meanwhile the timing matters, but it comes the second.

We tend to think, " there will be a better one." The truth is, there might not be a better one in the next corner if you are always wondering whether he/she is the one.

Wasting time on being scared of the risk would be the biggest mistake.

Very soon. Faster than we can imagine. We are all old.

I will remember that.

PS.We discussed a very funny major difference of ways of thinking between men and women when they were coping with the pain.
Most of the women tend to keep talking to their girlfriends and grieving for a long time to try to move on when healed. However, men tend to keep all the feelings at a very superficial level or keep it to themselves, not willing to talk about it and try to move on as fast as possible.
The situation which would happen on a man is, after quickly moving on for maybe 6 months, he would probably fall into a deep emotional depression one day suddenly and couldn't figure out why.
I laughed loudly when I heard him analyzing.

Communication is such a big fun for me. =D

Night in CPH

When my life becomes a mess and I feel everything can not be figured out in a short time period, after torturing myself for a long time, in the end I would usually curse" f**k you all" .Then I will stop panicking to get at least one thing done which can be under my control. And move on to the next.

Usually I hesitate, because I care too much about the result.

If I don't put so much effort, I wouldn't get hurt that easily. Meanwhile, the joy will be reduced correspondingly.
Fun or torture, depends on the person. Besides, challenge and torture can be so stimulative to become addictive.

I remember that there is one Zen story.
That is a conversation between two monks while they are watching one flag swaying in the wind.
Monk 1- Look, the flag is swaying because of the strong wind.
Monk 2- No, the flag is swaying because that your mind/heart is changing.


When something or someone is bothering me and makes me hard to sleep during night, I will abandon everything to take a trip to somewhere I dreamt for a long time. It is not called escaping or running away, it can be a good distraction. In a new place, a new environment meeting new people, it can give me a new angel to re-consider the whole issue and see my world from another point of view.

It was a rainy night in Copenhagen.
A big room. White sheets and blanket.

I heard everyone coming and going out and the door kept slamming.
In such an old building, I hear everything.

I put some music on.
I listen to some music, because they remind me some places or someone.
I miss them. I get relaxed when I am alone, missing someone.

Bye.

I have learnt so many languages to say goodbyes.

However.
It is still the hardest.

Now or Never

I heard a young man playing bass while waiting for the late night metro.

Melodious song with devious tones produced a bizarre echo in the narrow waiting hall while the wind blew away some of the sound. I watched the sorrow from the song going with the wind hitting the wall, knocking everyone.
Passengers got on and off, walked by, walked to their destinations.
The song kept playing. He looked at his bass.
I looked at him,carefully listened to those pieces of music.

I suddenly remembered the grey cat I saw this evening.

We looked at each other.
I don't know why we looked at each other.
I don't know why we met each other.
We looked at each other.

I tried to read his mind, but it was too fast.

Soon, he turned his head away.
Still, I looked at him.

If one starts to think all the meanings behind of one gesture, one unfinished sentence, one glimpse, one gaze, one gentle sigh, it would be harder for him to smile.
That is the reason why we keep ourselves running all the time to avoid facing the sadness of the reality.
Who is brave enough to stand still, look at the sorrow itself and solve it?

I am looking at it, trying to smile back.
Are you brave enough to stand by me?

For a lot of things, it is now or never.

A warm afternoon

That was one beautiful sunny afternoon.

We went to the old town and tried to find a good cafe to enjoy the sunshine.

There she is.
You'll never know what kind of beauty you would see around the next corner.
Then we met her.

An old pink bike with remnants of the broken seat leaning to the archaic brown wooden wall. The dirty yellow sponge jumped out from the lacerated black leather surface. The fresh pink flower in the front cany basket trembling in the tender early summer breeze.

The warm sun shined from the other end of the small lane. Perfect light and shadow on the crude yellow wall and rocky ground.


I looked at her.
She was there.
Although aged. Quiet. And elegant.

Green plants. Red, green, red towels. Stone yellow wall. Wooden table. Two small white bowls probably for cat food. Light and shadow.


It is always good to sit down with a close friend to talk everything in your life.
When this friend is extremely open-minded, warm and respectful with the similar interests and ideology, the conversation can be more than a pleasant enjoyment.
Relationships, attitude towards marriage,kids, families and everything we have been through in this half a year composed this 2-hour long coffee time.

We sat until we felt a little chill. Then we went lost somewhere near St.Eriksplan because we were so confident that we were the same as locals. We walked to a random park and sat down to watch strong young men running in the field playing football with their blond long hair free flowing in the wind reflecting the golden sunshine.

Who cares what we wanted from the beginning of the tour?
If you can get infinitely close to what you want from the beginning, it is a big success.
But if not, it is also good that you get to see different things along the way which you didn't expect.

Close your eyes, breathe.
Did you smell the early summer? :)

Something that I want to say to myself

Live as if there's only 24 hours left in your life.

Facing up yourself without any denying.

Do not waste anytime on wondering whether you are fit for the standards orworrying about if you would fail the other's expectations. Do not deny yourself from being whom you are just because you do not fit in.

Do not afraid to be different. Although you will pay some price, it is worth. And you will get happiness, even though the moment of being happy is short. After all, nothing is eternal.

You only have one life in your hand and life is too short. Make good use of it.

We can always handle. We can always figure out a way. But do not be scared because of worrying the possibility whether you can fix it or not, or wandering too much only thinking about how and why.Do not let it be an excuse to block your way from being different and chase after what you really want from your heart.

Cry whenever you want to cry. Try to be as happy as possible when you laugh.

Love people that you love when you still have a chance, although sometimes love hurts. And remember to tell them out loud when you still can.

Acknowledge the fact that everybody judges, including yourself. But do not let it be an obstacle while you are making some important decisions.

Do not afraid to ask even though you will be turned down. If you are refused, move on! It will surely take some time, the point is, do not let it beat you from trying.
Getting refused and hurt even badly will not change whom you are and how people see you. Even if it does change how people see you, they are not your friends and you do not need to spend time caring those thoughts from whom are not your friends.
Remember? Life is too short.

One can not please everyone.

And You will always get a chance to be happy as long as you are yourself.

People whom you love including your friends and parents may not fully understand you sometimes, wait for a proper timing and do not stop trying. And they will eventually understand. If they couldn't, as long as they love you, they will stand behind your back and respect your decisions.

Try to be as flexible as possible and accept whatever it is in front of you.

Set the goal and go for it.
Even you fail, you get to learn.We all get to learn through our own stupidity and failure.

So far, that's all.
And I am happy to realize who I am and what kind of person I want to be.
And I do not feel ashamed about myself being me.