dialect

Haven't used my dialect to talk with people for quite a few years, until recently I was reading one book from my favorite writer. She mentioned one saying that we used to separate different cousins because she was originally from my home town as well before she moved to Hongkong.
I suddenly remember my little cousin call my older cousin "big sister", I was ranked the second old kids among us, then i was called " small sister". Of course it sounds different to say it in my dialect.
Usually, dialects from the southeast sound soft and sweet. It adopted a lot of English words with the local pronunciation as well as its own distinct features. Southern girls are always considered to be as tender as water. Like the weather down there in the semi-tropical area, humid and warm.

If you hear people calling you with the dialect, the soft and mucous feeling would enwind your ear and head. The softest part of your heart is incidentally touched.

I laughed out loud when i read the small sentence.

Ah, I miss home. I think.

No matter how, it is still different with the slightest connection of the same blood.

Where did the love go?

Just said that I would close this place, I thought I would change my mind sooner or later.

I am a Scorpio. I am changing my mind every second.

I was looking for a document and happened to open one file in my disk, which is my diary 2007-2008.

I read all those words full of love and warmth one year ago. I started to feel that there was water in my eyes.
I couldn't help but wonder:

Where did the love go?
Where did we go?
How come everything disappeared so fast and easily?

When you said you loved me, how real was it?

And more importantly, where did the love go?
Time?Tears?
I don't know.

There was one ancient Chinese Poem said:
"Liu Guang Rong Yi Ba Ren Pao, Hong Le Ying Tao, Lv Le Ba Jiao."
(流光容易把人抛，红了樱桃，绿了芭蕉。)
"Liu Guang" refers to the fast flowing time, "Rong yi ba ren pao" means easily threw people away. The whole sentence can be understood as people are left behind by the fast flowing time. "Hong" originally is an adjective, here it is used as a verb, referring to make something red. "Lv" is used the same way, means making something green. "Ying Tao" is cherry, "Ba Jiao" is Basjoo, one kind of banana tree with huge green leaves in Asia. So the whole sentence means " it (time) makes the cherry red, makes the Basjoo green.

Time runs too fast.
How sad it is when we suddenly wake up and there's actually nothing around us except for the endless emptiness.

What do we remember?

If I didn't writing it down, will you still remember the sentence u said by my ear which made me cry in the middle of the night?
And who is staying awake to recall it?

Sometimes I think I have lived in a wrong time. Will it be easier to live 1000 years ago?


Reference:

一剪梅·舟过吴江

蒋 捷 (1274)


一片春愁待酒浇，
江上舟摇，
楼上帘招。
秋娘渡与泰娘桥。
风又飘飘，
雨又萧萧。

何日归家洗客袍?
银字笙调，
心字香烧。
流光容易把人抛，
红了樱桃，
绿了芭蕉。

Chou Chang

I was always wondering how boring a language such as English can be, especially when you are talking about love.

There are so many terminologies for different stages of sensitive feelings in Chinese, including before you started to feel anything stage to afterwards when you end up one relationship-the final stage.
Wait, there's another stage which is even though the affair is over, you still keep thinking about it for years and years, when you think of it , you feel a little sour and bitter in your heart and you couldn't say anything or tell anyone else about it except for sighing inside of your mind. And you will keep thinking about it when you do a relevant thing to this part of memories, just triggers that fragment of sweetness and bitterness.
Or, there could be a better way to solve it or there could be an better ending. If you keep thinking about it in this way with a lot of assumptions of "if"s, and you still couldn't think of a better solution after all. Put you back to the situation, you will still make the same choice and leave the sad reality alone.

This word, we call it- " Chou Chang".

There's one poet from Song dynasty named SunZhu (1031-1079) wrote one poem (There's a special form for writing poem back then in Song dynasty called 'Ci' in Chinese.) " He Man Zi- Qiu Yuan"( " He Man Zi" is a format of organizing the order of the words among 'Ci's, "Qiu Yuan" means the the sorrow from Autumn. " Yuan" is a word which is tricky, it can be the blames from female lovers to their male partners, or the sadness from a failed relationship.)

He wrote in this poem that " Tian Ruo You Qing Tian Yi Lao" which became really famous and important for contemporary culture that so many movies and literature quote it or name after it. " Tian" is sky, and it can be referred to "god" or someone unknown mythical power which is controlling our lives. The whole sentence means " the god will get old if it has emotions ( or love, feelings )". Another romantic sentence from this poem is " Chou Chang Jiu Huan Ru Men, Jue Lai Wu Chu Zhui Xun" where this " Chou Chang" that I mentioned before came from. The whole sentence means " I feel 'Chou Chang' when I am thinking of the old lover(s), because sometimes they are ( he or she) like dreams that I had, I can not re-trace them when I wake up."

This deep emotion came from a male poet which is amazing. It was quite common for men to write these beautiful sentences about love and emotions in the ancient time.
I couldn't find any European men who can fully understand this deep level of emotional stages, or are we too busy to stop and think 'did we miss something' in the disposable society?

It is a beautiful experience to re-read these poems and think about the emotions they had thousands of years ago.

-------------------------------
Reference:
SunZhu, Song dynasty, He Man Zi- Qiu Yuan.

Here is the Chinese original poem:

何满子 秋怨
宋 孙洙

怅望浮生急景，凄凉宝瑟余音。
楚客多情偏怨别，碧山远水登临。
目送连天衰草，夜阑几处疏砧。

黄叶无风自落，秋云不雨常阴。
天若有情天亦老，摇摇幽恨难禁。
惆怅旧欢如梦，觉来无处追寻。

Some questions

Maybe my life has been intertwined with my thesis too much that I couldn't stop thinking about life, inner self, core and reality.

When I was reading Barthes' "Empire of Signs" where you meet the situation that there is nothing there for you to use your background knowledge to interpret and decode, for instance the emptiness of the world from Zen theory, how are we coping with this?

It is so obviously tricky when we are dealing with intercultural communications with different languages,signs, symbols and significance, as well as the disability of explanation of the significance.

I am still thinking about it.